I have come to the realization that most of what I have written so far on here has been kind of weird, out of context, and probably boring/dull.
So to remedy that, I will clear the field and start anew.
I am a 21 year old, who enjoys a good TV show or movie, along with amazing video games because I always enjoy delving into worlds that are different from my own.
My goals include, owning a home (notice I said home and not house, there is a difference!)
My ideal home would be a decently sized house with 3-4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and a pretty big backyard for all the dogs I plan on caring for. (Sounds cheesy, but I fucking love dogs)
That’s my all time biggest goal, because its the hardest sounding one, so far.
The other goals include, owning a Tesla, finding my dream career, traveling every single year and finishing school. These goals may sound a bit out of order, and that’s because life can be unpredictable. Maybe one day I might get impulsive and buy a car before a house (just kidding, I wouldn’t jeopardize my chances at owning a house.)
Anyways enough about me for now, moving forward I plan on committing to myself.
My name is Marvin.
I just made a huge decision that sent ripples down the timeline of my life.
Was it a mistake?
I can’t know for sure. At the moment I was so sure of myself, but at this moment I have obvious second thoughts.
Did I ruin my chances at getting a house?
No, I believe everything will come in time.
I feel an ache in my back that I take as a sign that if I had stayed one more day, maybe I would have ruined my back.
It was beyond my physical capabilities. I gave it my all and did not fail. I gave it my all, but my all wasn’t in the right place.
I have high hopes for the future. I learned a lot, and its going to stick with me for the rest of my life.
Stay S3XY. Maybe one day I will return to you.
I don’t think I will ever understand.
What is it that I am missing?
Is it something I could easily find within myself, or elsewhere?
Waking up famished is not one of the greatest feelings. At the same time, that feeling of starvation is what drives the body to make a meal and satisfy hunger.
Thinking about it carefully, it’s a similar situation when you are in a poor state in your life. It’s not a good feeling being poor, sad, unwell. So get up (physically or emotionally, whatever the case may be); get up and make yourself a meal.
And for those of you who never wake up hungry….
well let’s just say you must not smell the bacon.
Ever feel like you’re not in the right place?
As if, maybe you just don’t belong in this world altogether?
Has anybody ever considered the possibility of alternate realities, in which most of us were supposed to exist in, rather than the one we’re in now.
Unbeknownst to you, I typed this from a completely different universe.
As I sit and ponder what might become of this beautiful suffering and delicate little pale blue dot, anxiety slowly creeps its way into my heart not letting me pump enough blood to the rest of my organs. It slows down my process of processing the inevitable fate that we all share. I’ve got so many questions that we all need answers to. Are we going to make it? Is our planet going to kill us all? What can I do? WHAT CAN I DO in a world full of negligent, uneducated, uncaring people who go on about their days feeling unaffected by the magnitude of such horrors which are bestowed upon them by not just themselves, but their own government and companies. Companies which own everything and run everything, companies which use you, trick you, lie to you, companies that spy on you, use your information, sell it, make money off of you, companies that pay the government to betray you and allow you to be a victim. WHAT CAN YOU DO? WHAT CAN I DO? WE CAN’T DO ANYTHING ALONE. We’d never be able to stop it alone. Sitting in a room, reading about it, hearing it on the T.V. We cannot do ANYTHING but sit and watch it happen while others are out fighting for a planet that isn’t even ours or theirs. Fighting for the right to live, for the right to a home which is habitable not just to you or me, but by the millions and billions of living creatures that are rapidly disappearing into non existence because of our stupidity and greed as a life form. Its truly disgusting. If I could end humanity with the push of a button, to preserve it all, the forests, the oceans, the animals. I would kick the shit out of that button. I would do it without hesitation or questions. We don’t deserve any of this beauty and grace. And it doesn’t deserve what we’ve done to it. We are nothing but a plague. Parasites on a host. We’re the garbage, the experiment gone wrong. Humanity, is a cursed word. Humanity is death.
It is crazy to believe that 17 years ago, it was the year 2000, it is crazy to think that 20 years ago it was March 7, 1996, only 7 months from October. I just learned that there are fiber optic cables in our ocean floors connecting countries, making it possible to browse each others domains, and making it possible for me to write this on a screen by typing, and being able to push a publish button sharing it with millions of people. Of course it isn’t likely millions, not even thousands of people might see this considering I’m not a very Continue reading “It’s crazy…”